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End the dream

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U guys know I've used c as my comfort zone
And i think i should stop it
Since we should all agree a face like that will never be found again, at least in a few years time
Actually i don't know.. Whether he's really that good looking

Well it's been months

I'm not childish enough to defriend a friend
But i cleared it all
Number, and made sure his fb stories is nvr on my stream.

But i downloaded snapchat for that boy
And since me and my bf uses it and personally i like it too, I'm not deleting it.
I'd tried not looking at his stories but who else really in my stream can i bother to know how they're doing.

U can't delete a friend without them knowing..
It's pathetic, if any of my besties knew how i used him as comfort. And choose to not get over again and again

They will be disappointed
I'm so pathetic.. That's getting more pathetic

U know right, the fact that i raised it is because i feel more in love with le bf. So i don't need a comfort zone...

Love is so simple.
I keep trying to complicate it and be displeased
I want it to be so special like in my dream world
But will it ever?

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Will.. I?
Experience greater emotion inducing situations?
Feels like it's been forever, and there's nothing more intense than what'd been experience.

Not saying that I'd been throught worstand best situations, but merely I'd mature with time
The hormones and wave length of thoughts are no longer the same.

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I tend to write too much if it's not something superficial.imaginations makes me run hot on fumes and my words too cruel, too selfish, and overprotected to let it stay on my blog.

Nobody i know reads it, but still, I'll judge myself and hate my cruel words even when i know my love for it is boundless. There's little word play in kindness. Well... We can still try.

But chunky words are nausea.
Chinese words is even more...(for me)

But yet some chinese poems more beautiful
More graceful
I adore so much

Now that the scare is over..
I'm grateful to god..
Thank u love

And I'm so glad my bf never judges my vomits of words and confusing ego
Gives me ample space
I'm only trying so hard to be strong
Any less. We hate it. We hate it so much.

Itmakes me like him so muchmore

And i feel more blessed.

the good catch and BTN relationships

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being on the net, is a blessing and a curse,
we know several ways to make use of free data, manipulate free data, misuse free data.
when an endless possibilities is blessed on one of us,
and with these possibilities and you cuss it onto the net, they multiply to an increasing amount of data.

the good catch:

the good catch is someone you don't let go,
it's the near prince/ princess you'd dream about, or know others dream about.
Rich, good looking, intelligent, confident.

their statistics on each of the stats differ,
and once they've all met the above average or varying statistics that all adds up to be higher than a norm,
most people can agree with each other that they are a good catch.

the good catch is an eye candy, the good catch is a good hit it and quit it, the good catch is good for marrying, the good catch is good for resources.

everyone knows a good catch, or the media's good catch.
Hence, there are a lot of "good on the surface relationships" and Better than nothing relationships.

okay, google up BTN relationships, but you probably can guess it, better than nothing.

but if one of them never falls in love with the other, and merely finds the other pleasant, interesting enough. The one that does not falls in love will eventually forget,

forget to care, forget to love and only remember how to be in a relationship.
Love can be only an infatuation, which leads to the varying spectrum of childhood and puppy love, love is in the head, and all the hormones that misled you.

so when you have good catch + no chemistry = BTN, you never get the good out of the relationship, the feel good hormones, all you have is a friend,

and then ask yourself,
if you were looking for just a friend, would you had need a good catch, hell, you will settle for worse and best catches.

so is the good catch really a good catch?
well, it's better than nothing.

making use

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My boyfriend, came into my life, when I was looking for flings.
He was a great catch, and I thought I have no reasons to say no.
and since I'm always faithful to my flings (80%?)
a relationship is no different. I also knew he was going off, and if I wanted out, all I need is to endure a few weeks.

after a bad scare, which has yet to end, and I hope it ends tomorrow.
I feel appalled.
it's not his fault, but all my sexual attraction towards him is 0%.
and I'm so glad we only met once this week, anymore meetings, we will fall apart.
I'm afraid, and it withers more of my attraction towards him.

and now, I'm yearning for c, once again, for the many times.
he is my comfort zone, a beautiful distraction, I don't even know c,
he is the perfect platform for my imaginations.

but I know it's fake too well, and all persuaded and faked emotions can never last.

I'm just numbed and running, like most of my life.